Late Friday security guard Leon Wellell began to tell his co-worker Randy Stiller about his days as a retail salesperson. Only minutes later his story got lost on a critical detail- the name of some Microsoft software.

The story started well enough: "I used to sell high end audio, you know, home entertainment and all that. Then computers came in big so I switched to that," Wellell began.

"Is everything alright?" Culver City resident Barry Kirko was asked seconds after being served his Banzai Bowl with Chicken and Black Beans. Kirko had yet to put a forkful of the delicious meal in his mouth. "Great!" he said, resting his hand on the table top.

Candy Carson, a dancer at Jet Strip and Girls, Girls, Girls paid for her tuition today with single dollar bills she earned on the job.

"I'm working my way through school," Candy told reporters gathered at the cashier's office at Pomono State University. She said she is in her third year of the American Literature program and hopes to be a teacher.

Traditional clothier Brooks Brothers closed their Melrose Avenue location in Los Angeles this week. "Our goal was to expand our client base to a younger customer," said Charles Harris Witherington III, company spokesman.

"Real men play blades", said John Carling, Sr. as he hit balls at the Studio City Golf Range last week. "All these 'game improvement' clubs, hybrids, perimeter-weighting, cavity backs, all of 'em are crap. It's just the golf industry coming up with new ways to make money. And most people fall for it. Hook, line and sinker!"

To capitalize on it's popularity among high school and college students, Facebook has purchased the rights to the lives of all 15-22 year olds worldwide. The company will have full rights including dictating who they vote for and who gets access to jobs and other opportunities.

Knockin' Down Flags golf club company made history today with the introduction of the first double blade golf club- the Dual. "The idea is that, if you miss the ball with the first blade, the second blade will make contact- it's a first," crowed Director of Product Development Jimbo Kent as he demonstrated the product to retail buyers today at the World Golf Expo show in Dubai.

Hidale Gustap was arrested Friday night while walking along 3rd Street near the Farmers Market in Los Angeles. Police stopped Mr. Gustap as he kneeled to re-tie his shoe. Police protocol is to stop anyone walking in Los Angeles.

High Life Properties today opened Bowling Bowling Casino and Hotel, the newest addition to the famed Las Vegas strip. Inspired by Las Vegas institutions Circus Circus and New York New York, Bowling Bowling features a bowling theme throughout. The main hotel tower is a giant bowling pin, towering 60 stories above the desert.

A diet based on carrots is the recommended progam at new website CarrotsOnly.com. "After an exhaustive 15 year beta study, we are excited to offer our carrots diet to the public," CarrotsOnly.com president Kent Billings said. "Carrots are good for your eyes, lower cholesterol and help prevent heart attacks and cancer.