Three golfing buddies died in an auto accident and went to heaven. Upon arrival, they noticed the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen. St. Peter told them they were welcome to play the course, but he cautioned them with one rule: "Don't step on the ducks."

The men had blank expressions on their faces, and finally one of them said, "The ducks?"

There was this guy who went golfing every Saturday and Sunday, it didn't matter what kind of weather it was. He was hooked One Saturday he left the house early and headed for the golf course, but it was so bitter cold that he decided wouldn't golf that day and went back home.

A couple whose passion had waned saw a marriage counselor and went through a number of appointments that brought little success. Suddenly at one session the counselor grabbed the wife and kissed her passionately. "There" he said to the husband, "That's what she needs every Monday, Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday".

A wife and her husband are sitting around one evening, just talking, when the wife suddenly asks, "If I died, would you re-marry?"

"I would," the husband answered.

"You would?" the wife asked, a bit surprised. "Would you let her come into my house?"

"I would."

"Would she be cooking in my kitchen?"

"She would!"

"Would she be soaking in my bathtub?"

"She would!"

Tom was a man of faith, and a man of the golf course. He played golf every Sunday religiously, but only after attending church services.

Tom was getting on in years, and one day after feeling ill, he said to his wife, "I sure hope there is golf in the afterlife. I feel terrible!"

There are two guys out on the course that come up on a couple of ladies playing slow. One of the guys walks up towards the ladies to ask if they can play through.

About halfway there he turns around and comes back and says to his friend, "I can't go up there and talk to them, that is my wife and my mistress."

A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Ed and Sam were standing at the first tee, agreeing to play the ball as it lay for the round. Ed hit a beautiful tee shot 250 yards down the middle of the fairway. Sam was not so lucky, shanking his shot dead right with the ball coming to rest dead center on the cartpath.

A fellow comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn't include Tom O'Brien in the games anymore.

The husband asks, "Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?"

"Of course I wouldn't," replies the wife.

Chuck was a popular member at the golf club, but he just finished up a terrible round of golf and wasn't in a mood to visit the clubhouse after walking off the 18th green. So he headed straight out to the parking lot and started changing his shoes.