Computers

Engineering Debate

Three freshman engineering students were sitting around one day arguing about who might have designed the human body. The first one said, "It was been a mechanical engineer. The human body has all those levers and pivots and stuff - a mechanical engineer must have designed all that."

The second one said, "No, it had to have been an electrical engineer. The complex way the nerves are wired up to the brain... must have been designed by an electrical engineer."

Then the third one said, "No, it was a civil engineer. Who else would have run a waste water line through a recreational area?"

Clouds and Haze

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all its navigation and communications equipment. With all the clouds and haze, the pilot couldn't determine his position or how to get to the airport. But he saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it up.

The sign read, "WHERE AM I?"

People in the building quickly responded with their own sign: "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, plotted the course to the airport and landed safely. On the ground, the co-pilot asked him how their sign helped determine the helicopter's position.

"I knew that had to be the Microsoft building," the pilot said, "because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer."

Missed Calls

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
– Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949.

"I think there is a world market for may be five computers."
– Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

Programmer's Drinking Song

PROGRAMMER'S DRINKING SONG

100 little bugs in the code,
100 bugs in the code,

fix one bug, compile it again,
101 little bugs in the code.

101 little bugs in the code.....

How Many Computer Scientists

Q: "How many computer scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
A: "Five. Two write the specifications, one to prove their validity and two to implement it."

Flat Tire

A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.

The project manager said, "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."

The computer programmer said, "We have the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."

How Many?

How many Microsoft Engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They simply declare darkness to be an industry standard.

10 Kinds

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

Hit Enter When Ready

Tech Support: "What does the screen say now."

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support: "Well?"

Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

Flight Control

At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?"