Spike TV’s “Bar Rescue” turns around a comedy club in Scottsdale.
Spike TV’s “Bar Rescue” turns around a comedy club in Scottsdale.
Several of the new model cars will text you or send you an email with a report on how it is doing. My car would say “I’m dyyiiinnngg…please…there’s little time left…please…”
The Ice House is the world’s oldest comedy club. It opened in 1960 (a very good year, haha) during the height of the folk music revolution. In the 70s, the club started to focus on comedy.
The great thing about performing at the Ice House is that the audience is so close. Every seat is within 7 rows of the stage. Each audeince member gets a great view from any chair in the joint.
Over the years The Ice House has hosted the biggest names in the biz–among them, George Carlin, David Letterman, Steve Martin, Dennis Miller, Jerry Seinfeld and the list goes on. More than 75 comedy albums have been recorded here.
LocalsOnly’s Katy Cryns takes you on a tour:
These Houston comics share what they wish they had known earlier in their comedy career.
Prisoners are using Yelp, the popular review site, to review…that’s right, prisons.
A collection of Jonathan Winters bits over the years.
Deer fight funny.
Her Seinfeld money is chump change compared to her family wealth.
For you coffee lovers that need to get really revved up.
I’d hate to get punched by this dude who has the world’s largest hand.
A woman spent a year of her life painstakingly removing her ex from all the photos in the house.
Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon take on all the late night rumors–in song.
Henry the dog was supposed to be taking a flight from Staten Island to Phoenix. It didn’t work out that way.
Jim Gaffigan has been a comedian for years and has a rabid following. He talks to the Wall Street Journal about stand-up and the merits of working clean.
You gotta commit. You’ve gotta go out there and improvise and you’ve gotta be completely unafraid to die. You’ve got to be able to take a chance to die. And you have to die lots. You have to die all the time.
— Bill Murray
According to the Internet Movie Database, Ted Neeley “almost missed out on being cast in Jesus Christ Superstar (1973). After inviting director Norman Jewison to see him in a matinee performance of the Who’s “Tommy”, he was injured during a show just prior to the one Jewison had bought a ticket to see. He recovered in time for the next show; immediately following this, he drove from Los Angeles to Jewison’s hotel in Palm Springs…dressed up as “Jesus Christ.” (Norman was leaving for Israel soon thereafter, to shoot the movie.) Not only did Jewison accept his explanation and apology, he gave him the title role in said film.”
I would have liked to see the face of the desk clerk when Ted walked up to locate Mr. Jewison.
“Mr. Jewison, this is the front desk. You have a guest in the lobby for you.”
“Yes, who is it?”
“It’s Jesus Christ.”
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
I called the hotel operator, she said “how can I direct your call?” Well, you could say “action!” And I will begin to dial. And then when I say goodbye, you could yell “cut!”
- Mitch Hedberg
The only problem with that lyric from Journey is that there really is no South Detroit.
These scammers were caught red-handed.
OK, it’s too late this time so save this for next year.
Plus this in to Google:
5 + (-sqrt(1 – x^2 – (y – abs(x))^2)) * cos(30 * ((1 – x^2 – (y – abs(x))^2))), x is from -1 to 1, y is from -1 to 1.5, z is from 1 to 6
I know you are disappointed at the news Whitney Cumming’s late night show has been cancelled.
Did Alicia Keys get caught sending tweets from her iPhone?
According to StandUpTalk.com, these 5 comedians are primed to break through in 2013.
What? You’re a comedian and you are not using Evernote? Well, here are 5 ways Evernote will make you a better comedian.
Rachel Dratch sits down with Sirius radio for a comprehensive interview.
Have you ever seen a park inside one or two parking spaces? Check out the new parklets in downtown LA.
These optical illusions at Gizmodo will make your mind melt.
Life is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
- Modern Family
And other rules posted at a hockey rink in Chicago.
I remember the parents of spoiled kids leaning over the railing to yell at our high school hockey coach back in the day. Oy.
I know you woke up this morning and said, “I need some shoes with nipples!”
Well, my friend, today is your lucky day.
I don’t blame the American Idol contestants who are horrible. I blame friends and family who kept telling them they were great for 15 years.
What if you went on the TV show “The Taste” and just made cheeseburgers?
“What did you make for us today?”
“It’s ground beef, cheese, lettuce, tomato and a bun.”
Finally. A guide on how to avoid huge ships.
Just check out the good this book is doing:
“I bought How to Avoid Huge Ships as a companion to Captain Trimmer’s other excellent titles: How to Avoid a Train, and How to Avoid the Empire State Building. These books are fast paced, well written and the hard won knowledge found in them is as inspirational as it is informational. After reading them I haven’t been hit by anything bigger than a diesel bus. Thanks captain!”
It was 610am in the morning and cold. OK, maybe not for you but for us 38 degrees is like an ice age.
I was walking back from downtown where I went to get some cold and flu pills. I strolled past the little ice rink they have at LA Live, a restaurant/hotel/entertainment complex across the street from Staples Center where the Kings and Lakers play.
They had taken down the big Christmas tree that stands in the middle of the rink through New Year’s. Now there was Kings signage in the middle.
Hockey just came back to town after the strike and they were gearing up their marketing.
The sound of hockey sticks and skates echoed through the plaza as a group of players batted a puck around. There were some pretty girls playing as well. What’s going on here?
Right in the middle of one section of ice was a raised table with…wait a minute…is that…the Stanley Cup?
As in, Lord Stanley? Won by the world champion Los Angeles Kings?
Yes, it was. I moved around to the street side to see why it was sitting on the table.
Turns out the girls were Kings cheerleaders and the players were just regular dudes. They were shooting some kind of promotional video. But there was a lull in the action. I thought, wow, there’s no one out here in the cold breaking dawn except me, these dumb guys playing hockey, some very hot cheerleaders and the Stanley Cup.
I doubted I would ever get this close again.
“Hey, do you mind if I come over the boards to get a picture?” I yelled as I climbed over. It’s best to ask permission for something as you are actually doing it. I also knew they wouldn’t mind. Hockey is different than other sports. If this was a Lakers event there would be security everywhere. With hockey you just join in. They waved me closer.
One thing that struck me right away. The names on the cup are tiny. I know that every team that has ever won is printed on there. Well, the names are small and the older years look worn down and faded, almost rubbed off.
I asked one of the cheerleaders to take my picture. I almost asked if I could pick it up and hoist it up like I just won the series. Normally the NHL doesn’t mind if fans do stuff like that. There are legendary stories of where the cup has been and what has been done to it. But the video guy had it ready to go for his shoot and he was getting impatient.
Plus, I was a uninvited guest at their party. I just stood behind it with my hands in the pockets of my golf jacket.
All those years I played hockey in Canada as a kid and my first time with the Stanley Cup is in Lost Angels.
For us it’s been feeling like Canada lately, anyway.
I looked up at the lighted letters on the side of the building. The “A-r-m-e-d” letters weren’t working, so from a distance it read “Forces Career Center.”
Hmm. A career in Forces. What would you do? Possibly interview different Forces. Forces of Nature, Forces of Will, Forces of Habit. Could be good.
You know your New Year’s Eve is low key when you watch all three hours of “The Spartans” on PBS. Go Bettany Hughes!
Are you itching to become a late night gag writer? Here’s how to do it.
I like most of the restaurants in the neighborhood. They are all pretty good–and cheap.
There’s one across the street. Nicaraguan and Salvadoran food. It’s always busy.
The food is displayed under glass on a long counter. You can eat there or take it to go.
I always get it go so I can watch football.
I’ve gotten pretty good at ordering in Spanish. The hard part is knowing what the food is.
There are no signs in English.
Sometimes I remember the name of something and go back and check it out on the Internet. One thing I looked up turned out to be pork intestines. Glad I checked.
Today I ordered chorizo and rice and beans.
There are 5 or 6 ladies behind the counter running like crazy to keep up with the people.
You have to be careful. Once I looked down at my phone, looked up, and they had skipped right past me.
Some people told me they take care of regulars first no matter where they are in line. Gotta stay on your toes.
As she is getting the box for the rice, I noticed another lady accidentally dropped a large metal spatula from the grill to the floor. It clanged and bounced.
Another lady scooped it up, and put it right back on the grill.
“Oy! At least rinse it off!” I thought. Wish I hadn’t seen that.
I look back to see where my order is. The lady had packed the boxes with the rice and now she is talking to someone several yards away. Come on, señora, don’t leave me hanging mid-order.
Pointing to the boxes, I say to another lady, “Es para mi!”
She smiles and points to the grill. The first lady had thrown the chorizo links on the grill to heat them up.
Before I could open my mouth again in any language, the second lady stepped back, grabbed the metal spatula, then flipped and rolled my chorizo links over.
Holy chorizo, that’s the spatula that was on the floor.
Out loud, I said, “Hey don’t use…that…one,” my words trailing off as I realized it was too late.
I was drowned out by the loud din of the place anyway.
At home I rinsed those chorizo links for 30 minutes.
They’re that good.
Guest sets are short appearances by a “guest” comedian. Brian McKim considers if guest sets are a good thing, and gives some good advice for comedians on how to handle them.
WGA West believes Comedy Central is trying to pull some shenanigans and has asked their writers not to work on some programs.
After a couple of marginal efforts some industry watchers are asking, “Has Adam Sandler lost his low-brow touch?” SHECKYmagazine.com takes a closer look.
The Comic’s Comic catches you up on the latest comedy headlines.
The folks at Improv Anywhere turn some Staples office chairs into a fake boardroom.
Chris Rock takes a look back at his first comedy tour opening for Eddie Murphy in the 1980s.
Sad news over the weekend–longtime TV writer, show runner and producer Alan Kirschenbaum passed away yesterday. Alan was the son of Catskills comedian and Friars Club legend Freddie Roman.
It’s a sign of the times. Entertainment industry site Deadline.com has purchased the iconic Hollywood publication, “Variety.”
Comedy Central begins political ads bashing other networks including Fox and CNN.
Saturday Night Live has replenished its ranks with a trio of Second City alumni.
Comedian James Adomian recently released his new album “Low Hanging Fruit” on the Earwolf site. You may remember James from “Last Comic Standing.”
Is it open season on comedians? Tammy Pescatelli almost gets hit by a glass thrown by a drunk heckler.
Well, he never left stand-up, but Drew Carey is on tour again. He is the second act of a two-act show. The first act features “The Midnight Show,” a wildly popular improv group.
Paul F. Tompkins is taping a new Comedy Central pilot in LA on 6/28. ASpecialThing.com has the details.
Tom Cotter wowed the judges and the audience on America's Got Talent:
Comedy Central has scheduled two outdoor comedy concerts in New York City for June.
Little did Randy Kagan know when he started his set that he was about to get gang-tackled off the stage.
Did you know Danny Pudi who plays Abed on "Community" is a stand-up? Check out his stylings.
David Spade was spotted leaving a taping in Hollywood recently.
Kathy Griffin makes her way down the street after a recent Wendy Williams taping.
Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor take in some tennis at the BNP Paribas Open.
Russell Brand allegedly grabbed a photog's iPhone and threw it in to a nearby window. The New Orleans police then reportedly issued a warrant for his arrest.
Louis C.K. cancelled his scheduled appearance at the Radio and TV correspondents dinner.
Kotex is using comedians to promote a new line. And it's working.
Jim Gaffigan is following the lead of Louis C.K. by offering his next stand-up special as a low cost download.
Ever wonder what it is like to perform comedy in Sweden? Judy Carter tells the tale.
A gag Jay Leno told on the Tonight Show about the opulence of Mitt Romney's "summer home" has created an intenational backlash.
Is a recent commenter on a SHECKYmagazine.com post about the Brill affair from the New York Times?
Due to the fallout of a recent interview with the New York Times, Eddie Brill has been relieved of his duties as the comedy booker for the Letterman show.
Sarah Silverman has casted two actors for an upcoming pilot centered around her return to single life.
Garrett Morris, erstwhile owner of the Downtown Comedy Club in LA and actor on "Two Broke Girls," parties at NBCUniversal's 69th Annual Golden Globes Viewing and After Party.
It seems like only yesterday Patton Oswalt discovered a comic doing his act word for word. And now this.
A popular Chinese comedian gifted a university with almost 50 G's for a scholarship fund. Except some scholars at the university are complaining. Seems they don't want to be mixed up with entertainment types, calling the comedian a "plebian person who always spouts empty and insincere chatter to amuse people."
Dancing Machine. That's what they called you at the New Year's Eve Party. You broke out every move in your arsenal. It was all fun and games until you crashed into the buffet table and took out the prime rib station.
Once again you over-indulged and you have a hangover on New Year's Day. Here are several ways to over come your throbbing headache:
1. Stick your head in the commode and constantly flush the water around your head. Pretend you are on holiday at a water park with your friends. This tip is convenient because you are probably already sitting next to the commode.
2. Sign up for an adventure cruise on a sailboat. Climb the mast. Tie a rope to your feet and dangle from the mast. Let the wind and breeze relax your throbbing temples.
3. Go to the convenience store and take a nap on the bags of party ice. You can also be helpful by handing out bags when customers need them.
4. Go through a car wash with the windows down. Really stick your head in the brush when it comes by and sing a tune. The singing and brushing will soothe your head.
5. Ride your bike real fast with your legs stuck out in front of you while making motorcycle sounds. Pump your wrist like it is a motorcycle accelerator. Stitch a motorcycle gang logo on your back and get some tattoos. By the time you've finished with these tasks the hangover will be gone.
Internal battles, political clashes, high profile divorces and losing seasons have prompted the owners of the Los Angeles Dodgers and The Los Angeles Lakers to merge the two teams. The Los Angeles Lake-Dodgers will field a baseball team as well as a basketball team using the same players.
In public speech, as in electricity, there is a positive and negative force. Either you or your audience are going to possess the positive factor. If you assume it you can almost invariably make it yours. If you assume the negative you're sure to be negative. Assuming a virtue or a vice vitalizes it. Summon all your power of self direction, and remember that though your audience is infinitely more important than you, the truth is more important than both of you, because it is eternal. If your mind falters in his leadership the sword will drop from your hands. Your assumption of being able to instruct or lead or inspire a multitude or even a small of people may apall you as being colossal impudence – as indeed it may be; but having once essayed to speak, be courageous. BE courageous – it lies with in you to be what you will. MAKE yourself be calm and confident.
- Dale Carnegie
Put your feet up and check your shopping haul while listening to the 2011 Pardcast-A-Thon, the annual podcast marathon from Jimmy Pardo and friends.
Inc.com lists 5 unusual ways to become a better speaker.
Betty White stopped in Brian William's Rock Center show tonight to promote her book Betty and Friends, a look at her life-long interest in animals. During the segment, they compared two commercials Ms. White has appeared in; 50 years apart. First, a shampoo commercial from 1959. Whatever happened to the Hudnut company?:
And then the Snickers commercial that appeared on the Superbowl in 2010.
When you are doing stand-up, sometimes an audience member gets a little riled up. Most of the time you can blame the alcohol. After veteran comic Steve Sweeney did a show in Boston, a drunk woman he had joked with during the show threw a whole beer glass at him. In the ensuing ruckus, she bit the comedy club owner on the calf.
Huh? WWE Comedy!
Be careful out there.
Copyright © 2013 Joe Ditzel - All Rights Reserved
Joe Ditzel, 914 Westwood Blvd., #327, Los Angeles, CA 90024
Keynote Speaker // Humorist // Bad Golfer
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